a few posts went unposted but they were bleak and i was depressed. i owe it all to my woman cycle. thankfully.
it's so pretty here in westchester, within spitting distance of the city and yet somehow another world. b got angry at this false little place and its phony small-town facade, but i felt overjoyed to see trees and grass and happy dogs bounding around unfettered. i know it's not what i want, this surburban game, bound up as it is like a runner with a cramp, the better life nowhere to be found. i need something a little further.
i went up to my future university this week, and i found myself actually excited about school. excited and scared enough to puke. it's not as much of a commitment as i had originally feared, and i think i might just be able to make it through. i know there will be a lot of painful homework moments in between, but i have to believe i can do it. i'm going to be a librarian.
i never thought i'd be a thing, like a doctor or a cop, some profession that can be summed up with one simple noun, image-conjuring and universally recognized as a distinct, exact thing. i'll need some glasses and a bun. i guess i always thought that one thing would be writer and everything else would feel like failure somehow, but so far i am doing okay. so far this seems kind of right. you can still be both and everything and nothing and it's just a living anyhow. it's just a word and it doesn't need to define me.
i'm hungry and craving my two favorite substances in this world, margaritas and guacamole, which in tandem are unstoppable. add the sun setting over some vaulted treetops and you've got yourself an evening. as best as i can figure, this is how time is meant to be passed.
