good lord. it's nearly 5am. my eyes opened in the night, with a start, a gasp and a loss of air, and now i'm awake and there's nothing i can do. there is no sleep for me.
i feel rejuvenated from my recent trip to the cape, like a pen dipped in an ink well, dripping and fresh with promise. i reconnected with some things i wrote there. i reconnected with the things i thought. i'm not sure if it lives there, this part of myself, needing special visits to be set in motion, or if it's just this city that stifles me so. i'm useless here.
i wish i could sleep because i wanted to look nice because i feel like crap in the physical appearence -- not physical well being -- sense. i have a reason. i wanted to go to the gym, my alarm hopelessly set for 6am. a mere hour and ten minutes from now. yeah,
at the cape i swam, i rode my bike, i ate fresh fish and vegetables and berries. my skin was dewy with the ocean air. my legs took on a less ghostly hue.
here, my skin is dry and irritated. my hair is brittle and flat. my diet consists of salty crap and greasy crap. i lament the fact that i can't get myself into a stuffy smelly room to run in place on a machine for 30 minutes, overloading my senses with double soudtracks and multiple channels, never seeing the sun or breathing the real air. this, somehow, is a disappointment to me.
the sky is purple. and pink. i'd let her out into this day, into these glowing fractals, but i'm afraid it might be the end. the anticipation, the event yet to come, the things not set in motion, they have all but cancelled her repose.
