i'm having a hard time writing anything. i got halfway through a boring story about my sickness. it was going nowhere.
i have a disgusting eye infection. yesterday, i thought i was going blind. my eyes were tearing and stinging like i'd been cutting onions, constantly, with no relief. i have never cried so much. i have run out of tears.
***
yesterday, after being sent home from work, i overheard the following conversation on the street:
"you know i'm a married man, right?"
"yeah. of course."
"okay well i just wanted to make sure you understand what we're talking about here."
"how old is she?"
"she's 30. and i'm sure not getting any younger. this might be my last shot."
"so take her out for a nice meal and let her know you're in."
"i might not get that kind of time with her. i might only be able to grab her for a soft drink or something."
i turned to see who this man was. he was not unattractive but short. he had graying hair and piercing blue eyes. he was 50ish and i wanted to spit in his round face. i felt sadder for the 30-year old than i did his wife. the light changed and i moved on, my broken eyes blinded by the sun. i wept unemotional tears. they streamed down my face, leaving spots on my shirt.
***
yesterday, i found out that a childhood friend of mine was kidnapped, raped, and brutally murdered by a stranger, one night after meeting some friends for drinks. she was stolen right from her car. i abandoned her in the 5th grade when another friend told me that she was uncool, and that if i continued to hang out with her people would think i was uncool too. she lived up my street. she was the only friend i had whose house i could walk to. i practically lived there. she had all the best barbies, the dream house, the plastic pink corvette.
i didn't really know how to react to the news.
***
i'm nervous, yes, my heart skipping beats. there was so much more.
